I miss him every single day.

When someone goes, you never lose that feeling. You might think you're ok, then something creeps up & reminds you & you're back to square 1. For me, it was 12 weeks ago, when I found I got a place in college.
My grandpa worried about me, every single day. He hated that I didn't have a career & that I happily drifted between jobs. He didn't understand that I don't care too much for money or why it's more important for me to be happy, than stuck in a job I hate.
When I left school, & years before that even, all I wanted to do was cut hair. My grandpa said I couldn't. I shouldn't. That was that. There was no money to put me through uni & as always, I'd misplaced my magic wand. So the only option was to get a job. I hated every single one of them. Sometimes I'd have 3 going at once. Anything so I didn't have to spend 40 hours a week in the same place.
When we lost my grandpa last year. It made a lot of things fall out of significance & into place. I wanted to cut hair.
As soon as registration opened, I did what I had to do. After a 4 month wait, I got an interview & accepted, all in the same day. There was no one to tell. When I told my mother, her exact response was "Oh, I knew you were hyper about something." So I blogged, as I do. There was still something missing.
I took flowers to my grandpas grave a couple of days ago & I told him. I could instantly see the quiet smirk on his face & hear a mumble of - "for Christs sake", followed by a louder- "Stubborn bugger that you are." That would was the approval I needed. For all he didn't want me to be a hairdresser, he wanted nothing more than for me to be secure. I know that if he thought for a second that I didn't do it because of something he said, he'd be mad at himself & then me.
My hero, my father figure & the only man I've ever trusted, worried about me, every single day. I'm getting there, old yin. Like treacle running out a tin, granted, but I'm getting there. :)